Today I am testy. I am more sensitive to things than normal (sorry, Ben!), and to be honest, there have been a few times I have burst into crying fits. I try not to cry at inappropriate times, or at least not in front of people. (And for the record, I would not consider myself a crier.) My mind is still boggled and I am confused as how to word how I am feeling. I can say that I feel as though someone pushed my PANIC! button a few months back, liked what they saw, and hasn't let go.
Though, through all this, an interesting thing has happened. When I received some not-so-great news, Ben and I went straight to God. After the prayer, I didn't feel a normal overwhelming feeling I would feel. Instead, I felt as though it wasn't in my hands anymore. We lifted it to God. It's like a passed baton in a race- it was yours, you took it to where it needed to be, you did your part. Of course you are curious to see where it ends up; but that decision is no longer up to you. Will you be worried? Probably, because we as human beings tend to worry. It's almost inevitable. The question is whether or not we should worry. The answer is a resounding NO!! God has his plan. It's not mine or yours, but it is his. We aren't supposed to know what's going to happen. We are supposed to trust that whatever He says, goes. (That sounds like my dad talking to me as a child...)
Have you ever been in a class where a professor says, "You need to know this, you'll use it everyday in your career"? (By the way, calculus is infamous for this. I should know, I took it three times.) I will not call those professors liars. However, I will say that most information learned is not as practical as they make it out to be. That info you learn every Sunday in church? That's infinitely more valuable than anything you can learn in a textbook.
What happens when you take all of those teachings, and put them into real life? Take it further, outside the doors of a chapel?
You live.
You live for what is right. You do what the Lord wants you to do. For Him, for others, to enrich yourself, to be a reflection of what He is. You give to those worthy and unworthy alike. You give because He gave for us.
You want to know what else happens?
Important areas of your life are tested- the way you think, they way you behave, the relationships in which you interact. Your priorities are placed where they need to be. You learn who and what is important and how to rank said priorities. When you do that alongside God, in the trust that His plan is good and right and the only way, you live for Him. Not you or your loved ones or for the pressures that overcome. Because when you live for Him, you will receive everything you need to be happy because He will provide that for you.
There's no need to fret over the things you do not have. You should thank God for all the blessings He has bestowed upon you. If asked a little over a year ago, I would have said that I needed more of EVERYTHING. Now, I understand that I have been given all that I need.
When I think I "need" something else, I'll take that to God. It's between He and I, no matter what it is. He will answer. If I don't like the answer, it doesn't matter. That is His answer, His plan. I don't need to try to fight it; He will provide when He sees fit.
Because I take everything to Him and trust Him with it, when I think about all of those things being tested, I KNOW I passed. That weight isn't on me, because I have placed my faith in God and know He is right.
I urge you to do the same as I have done. God gives you faith when you are down and out and think you have none, and that is an awesome thing.
Here's a group picture from our triple date last night. Fun!!
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